2-11-09 homework

First of all, I have to give credit to my workshop partners: Cameron and Kyle. Their advice helped me out alot and allowed me to see my paper in different ways. They both thought my description of my public space was very vivid. They both believed it painted a picture of what the atmosphere looked like. I was glad that what they believe was the controlling idea was indeed correct. This assured me that I was getting my argument across (which I was not so sure of before). Kyle did an awesome job of helping me place commas in the correct areas (this is a huge weakness of mine) and Cameron could relate to areas of my paper since he is from Texas as well. Cameron even offered to back me up on an argument. Both were confused on my word choice in one sentence so I went ahead and re-worded it. I received many comments on the tenses that I had chosen which was included in my author's note. I am still unsure of how to change them, or atleast what to change them to due to the fact that I am still confused on whos perspective the argument is coming from. Hopefully, I will figure this out in order to change this. Words such as "I", "You", and "one" are also words that I threw around quiet often. I also need help in this area as well. The main feedback that I tried really hard to focus on in this draft is about the personal connection I have with Billy Bob's. I added more sentences to this and tried to structure is a bit better, but I know it is not yet perfect. Overall, I need to work on the analysis paragraphs and figure out what tenses I am supposed to be using. Therefore, I will keep on working on this!